Thursday, April 27th, 2006...11:41 am

Go on,

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Head up, Andrew. For­ward movement.

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I’m get­ting fat.
Well, not so much around the sides (although the han­dles are due to sprout come finals). But I’m talk­ing about in every other way.

In every thing I have been blessed with, be it rela­tion­ships, tal­ent, wealth, et cetera.

And maybe even more so, spir­i­tu­ally. Hoard­ing my time with my fel­low­ship, plan­ning meet­ings, going to Bible stud­ies, hours in the prayer room. And it’s like.. flow­ers and daisies and roses (of course it isn’t, but shoot even­tu­ally, yeah it is)

And I for­get, shoot, I have life (and to the full, too). And I’m just get­ting this pic­ture of me stuf­fin’ myself on a pile of good food and my metaphor­i­cal girth rapidly expand­ing and I keep sit­tin there pig­ging out while peo­ple around me are starved.

Freak. I want to share it but I’m par­a­lyzed. Too scared to move out of the safe walls of my fel­low­ship or church. Just want­ing to stay in com­mu­nity for the rest of my life.

That first step is really, really hard. It’s funny how the gears in my head really turn fast try­ing to jus­tify why I should keep pig­ging out.

Until then…

3 Comments

Filed under High School

  • Any­how

    Hey Andrew, just wanted to empathize and let you know you’re not alone ’cause I real­lyre­al­lyre­al­lyre­al­lyre­al­lyre­ally strug­gle with let­ting go of the past (with all my aca­d­e­mic and rela­tional fail­ures and what­not) and focus­ing on the future… I get so caught up in dwelling on my past mis­takes that I for­get (or maybe I’ve never learned) how to truly LIVE. Yeah. =P Hear you’re com­ing home this week­end, so I’ll see you then? :)

  • Any­how

    I just had to com­ment again because I am also going through what you wrote about in your edit, but hope­fully I can talk to you some more about that later… :P blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

  • nobody

    the same thoughts are going thru my mind right now, but ive been reminded about con­fi­dence in the Lord… He is faith­ful to His words:
    “Not that we are com­pe­tent in our­selves to claim any­thing for our­selves, but our com­pe­tence comes from God. He has made us com­pe­tent as min­is­ters of a new covenant????????not of the let­ter but of the Spirit; for the let­ter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” — 2 Cor 3:5–6