Finding Momentum

I’ve been slightly scat­tered lately.

I’m not doing too well in school–I’m try­ing to redou­ble my efforts and study dis­ci­plines. And even though I got over a bulk of my aca­d­e­mic inse­cu­ri­ties years ago, I can’t help but feel a lit­tle bit of panic and the occa­sional dis­ap­point­ment in myself when I real­ize I most def­i­nitely could have tried harder. (Last week I started hand­writ­ing notes in class and sit­ting in the front row… just like frosh year).

Small group lead­ing is a big­ger role than I real­ized. It’s incred­i­bly reward­ing and I love our group. It’s also been a larger time com­mit­ment than I’ve expected. I’ve been star­ing a lot of my inse­cu­ri­ties, imma­tu­rity and lim­i­ta­tions in the face and real­iz­ing that I really need Jesus to do this.

Oh yeah–I’ve decided to take an extra semes­ter (but I’ll be walk­ing with y’all in May). The bad news: I think I’m going to have to do it as an Exten­sion stu­dent (long story, but you can ask me if you want gory details). The good news: I’ll be able to get the CET Man­age­ment of Tech­nol­ogy Certificate.

Peer­ing out hazy win­dows into post­grad years is some­thing you need to expe­ri­ence as a senior. On one hand, I’m really excited to apply what I’ve learned these years in the real world. On the other hand, there’s the uncer­tainty and all those choices that I’m really hes­i­tant to tackle. What job? Where to take it? East Bay, South Bay, or Penin­sula? Stay at home or live away? What is com­mu­nity next year and where will it be?  (An aside: I’m thank­ful that I even have this edu­ca­tion, these choices, and the free­dom to make them. Whatta gift).

Any­body who claims to be out of the clutches of Senior Scram­ble is lying, or is miss­ing a cer­tain car­dio­vas­cu­lar organ. The trick is trust­ing Jesus to trans­form pathetic desperation-mentalities into bal­anced iden­ti­ties (I think this phe­nom­ena is worth explor­ing in future posts… maybe).

So I’ve been scat­tered, if only by virtue of new inputs and new deci­sions. It’s all new and for­eign to me, but it’s part of life. Some would say we’re grow­ing up.