Finding Momentum

I've been slightly scattered lately.

I'm not doing too well in school--I'm trying to redouble my efforts and study disciplines. And even though I got over a bulk of my academic insecurities years ago, I can't help but feel a little bit of panic and the occasional disappointment in myself when I realize I most definitely could have tried harder. (Last week I started handwriting notes in class and sitting in the front row... just like frosh year).

Small group leading is a bigger role than I realized. It's incredibly rewarding and I love our group. It's also been a larger time commitment than I've expected. I've been staring a lot of my insecurities, immaturity and limitations in the face and realizing that I really need Jesus to do this.

Oh yeah--I've decided to take an extra semester (but I'll be walking with y'all in May). The bad news: I think I'm going to have to do it as an Extension student (long story, but you can ask me if you want gory details). The good news: I'll be able to get the CET Management of Technology Certificate.

Peering out hazy windows into postgrad years is something you need to experience as a senior. On one hand, I'm really excited to apply what I've learned these years in the real world. On the other hand, there's the uncertainty and all those choices that I'm really hesitant to tackle. What job? Where to take it? East Bay, South Bay, or Peninsula? Stay at home or live away? What is community next year and where will it be?  (An aside: I'm thankful that I even have this education, these choices, and the freedom to make them. Whatta gift).

Anybody who claims to be out of the clutches of Senior Scramble is lying, or is missing a certain cardiovascular organ. The trick is trusting Jesus to transform pathetic desperation-mentalities into balanced identities (I think this phenomena is worth exploring in future posts... maybe).

So I've been scattered, if only by virtue of new inputs and new decisions. It's all new and foreign to me, but it's part of life. Some would say we're growing up.

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