Finding Momentum

I've been moving in-to & in-between identities lately.

As a boyfriend, I'm newly challenged by the call to care for and serve somebody. And I know I haven't written much about Sarah and my relationship, but I'll say that every day I learn a little bit more about how God loves. I'm reminded what a good gift she is to me. I think I want to describe how things have changed since and what we're looking at now.

As a single guy, I could spend my time wherever and whenever I wanted it. I had freedom. I could think about my future for myself and have a reasonable trajectory to achieve whatever goals I had. Honestly speaking, I had more freedom with respect to my time and my plans.

As a dating guy, life is a bit busier. I spend a lot more time with Sarah. I'm listening a lot more, processing things with her, and she does the same with me. We're starting to think about the future, but negotiating how to walk through it together.

This process of thinking forward, together, is a good process, albeit new to us. It's partially fueled by the inexorable tide of graduation and post-college scariness, and partially by the desire to be with each other. There are challenges to that, particularly as we don't know how our passions and dreams will intersect in the future. I want to have it all marked down and planned out; I want to solve for all the variables before plunging into a commitment. It's hard to plan for the future without knowing how far you should look ahead.

I'm learning that this dating thing is so. much. about. trust. It's so much about trusting in the other to look out for your best, but much, much, more about us both trusting that Jesus knows where he's taking us.

There's a beautiful dimension to this process, and you can find it in the commitment. I think that's the Gospel key that Christian relationships should be characterized by: making a commitment to the other (even when the variables aren't in place), dying to self, looking out for the best of the other, and following hard after Jesus together. I'm slowly, slowly learning.

In the end, we're clinging onto Jesus and praying that he's gonna tell us where to go. I don't completely understand what that means, and a part of me writes it off as naivete.

So much of this is new and scary to me, but another part of it has been there all along, you know? It comes back to the Gospel and how Jesus did it first--we get to model it out now.

It's all worth it. It's totally worth it.

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