Thursday, September 11th, 2008...7:19 am
The Eat to Survive Diaries: A Typical Breakfast
I’m writing this series to chronicle my forays into cooking. For myself. Let’s say that on the cooking scale of 1 to 10, one being a rock and ten being Rachael Ray, I’m a zero. Get ready for a wacky and wild ride into Andrew’s gastronomical world…
Okay, so it’s morning. I’ve just come back from a run. I’m huuuuungry. Let me give you a glimpse into my morning meal, beginning with the cereal:
- Open up nearly-empty milk carton. Pour into bowl.
- Shake in some cereal.
- Dang. Milk ran out before the cereal.
- Pour in milk from pretty-much-empty milk carton.
- Dang. Cereal ran out before the milk.
- Shake in some more cereal.
- Milk ran out before cereal.
- Rejected! There is no more milk from now-empty milk carton. Miserably chomp through the rest of cereal.
Onto the fruit portion of our competition:
- Eat like six plums. Why plums? You thought they were the best fruit-per-ounce value at Trader Joe’s.
- You don’t like plums very much.
Finishing off with toast:
- Still hungry. Let’s try toast.
- Pull out week-old bread from plastic bag.
- Cut out as many moldy parts as you can find. Pray you found them all.
- Throw em into toaster. The heat should neutralize the mold, right?
- Spread jam with dirty knife in the dish rack.
- Eat. Remind yourself to thank the wonderful souls who invented toast.
- Clean up the dang mess you made in the toaster and all over your table.
I want cereal again. But there is no more milk.