Finding Momentum

I’m writ­ing this series to chron­i­cle my for­ays into cook­ing. For myself. Let’s say that on the cook­ing scale of 1 to 10, one being a rock and ten being Rachael Ray, I’m a zero. Get ready for a wacky and wild ride into Andrew’s gastronomical world…

Okay, so it’s morn­ing. I’ve just come back from a run. I’m huu­u­u­un­gry. Let me give you a glimpse into my morn­ing meal, begin­ning with the cereal:

1. Open up nearly-empty milk car­ton. Pour into bowl.
2. Shake in some cereal.
3. Eat.
4. Dang. Milk ran out before the cereal.
5. Pour in milk from pretty-much-empty milk carton.
6. Eat.
7. Dang. Cereal ran out before the milk.
8. Shake in some more cereal.
9. Eat.
10. Milk ran out before cereal.
11. Rejected! There is no more milk from now-empty milk car­ton. Mis­er­ably chomp through the rest of cereal.

Onto the fruit por­tion of our competition:

1. Eat like six plums. Why plums? You thought they were the best fruit-per-ounce value at Trader Joe’s.
2. You don’t like plums very much.

Fin­ish­ing off with toast:

1. Still hun­gry. Let’s try toast.
2. Pull out week-old bread from plas­tic bag.
3. Cut out as many moldy parts as you can find. Pray you found them all.
4. Throw em into toaster. The heat should neu­tral­ize the mold, right?
5. Spread jam with dirty knife in the dish rack.
6. Eat. Remind your­self to thank the won­der­ful souls who invented toast.
7. Clean up the dang mess you made in the toaster and all over your table.

I want cereal again. But there is no more milk.