Finding Momentum

I'm going to be candid and share with you some dating lessons I've learned (with Sarah's permission!). My buddy Jeff was right when he told me, "Dating's a good way to learn how much you need grace." And I need boatloads of it. Here we goooo...

Transitioning from self-sufficiency to dependency

From very early on in my life, I've learned to be pretty self-sufficient. That means that I'd always be doing things on my own, doing things on my own initiative, making things happen for myself, you get the gist of it. It'd be totally me centered: I'm going to do this, and I'll follow it up with that. I'll make my own decisions, and you can ask me about how it was afterwards.

Sarah and I have had our moments where I'd show up and tell her "Hey, I'm going to be doing this on Saturday" with an implicit assumption she wouldn't be a part of it. She'd feel hurt that I'd left her out, and I realize now that I had assumed that she just wasn't interested in them or that I didn't need her help.

I'm learning to invite her into all parts of my life, from the boring mundane things to the big events. Even if I think I can do these things by myself, I'm starting to learn to ask for help when I feel like I don't need any. When I show Sarah that I'm dependent on her, it gives her a way to show me that she cares.

Transparency, and how it's okay to not have it all together

There was a period in our relationship where I felt incredibly insecure about us. I felt like I was losing her, I felt like I was being disrespected or I wasn't good enough, and there was all this crap I was going through.

I didn't know how to talk about it though, so I acted the opposite of how I felt. I acted more confidently around her when inside my insecurities spoke louder. I doubled my efforts of pursuing her when really I was scared. I realize now that by acting like everything was peachy, I delegitimized communication that "something was wrong".

I had somehow constructed this image of a super-boyfriend, who never spoke of trouble but instead slugged through hard times by the force of sheer will and corny jokes. And Sarah could see through all of it--and my inability to articulate how I was really feeling pushed her further away.

After a long, awkward and painful week, we confronted it. By finally admitting to her that things were off, we were free to finally talk about it.

To be continued!

Related posts

1. Dating 101, continued I’m con­tin­u­ing an entry detail­ing new (and always-humbling) insights into...