Finding Momentum

Thanks, every­body who wished me at happy 23rd birth­day. It was pretty swell I think it meant a lot to me espe­cially as I’m going through this strange, loopy tran­si­tion period in my life. There’s just been so much change in my life I’ve been hes­i­tant to write about it because it some­how doesn’t seem right to put it to paper until it’s been all done and sorted through. Well, today I real­ized that that day won’t be com­ing for a long while… and it’s time to start reflecting.

22 was a year of end­ings–As I said good­bye to sev­eral close friends and fin­ished my last final, as I left a com­mu­nity I loved and as I said good­bye to my par­ents as they moved to Shang­hai, I real­ized that I was mourn­ing. As much as I like to say that I antic­i­pate grow­ing up and mov­ing for­ward, I’m only start­ing to come to terms with the part of me that wants to cling onto the past.

Things are chang­ing. I’m tak­ing off for Botswana in week. When I get back, I’ll be start­ing a new job. I’m going to have to start look­ing for hous­ing in SF or the East Bay. I’ve been in between churches and com­mu­ni­ties and friends for far too long. I’m in this weird in-between state between kid and adult, and I’ve never felt more lost.

23 will be a year of for­ma­tion–I’m talk­ing more in terms of vision, dis­ci­plines, habits and char­ac­ter. I’m antic­i­pat­ing that in this lim­i­nal state I’m going to find oppor­tu­ni­ties to have my vision sharp­ened, my char­ac­ter tested, my habits and dis­ci­plines proven in the fur­nace of this hazy post-college life. It sounds lofty, but let me tell you, the chal­lenge has me quak­ing in my prover­bial boots.

In the mean­time, I’m being reminded of the things that have been con­stant in my life: the love of my fam­ily, deep­en­ing friend­ships with old bud­dies, a super sweet girl­friend who never lets me for­get the promises of a good Father in my life, and the gen­tle heart of the Father himself.